you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you made out with another girl for some wings
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
