The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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