I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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