I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize