No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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