I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
