i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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