im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
