What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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