She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
