I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
