I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
