Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
