if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
