3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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