Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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