I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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