U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
