I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
