Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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