We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
