I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
