Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
