somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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