Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize