Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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