The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
