I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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