Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
honey bunches of taint.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
