I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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