I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
