I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
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I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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