Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
