My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
