Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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