he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
