i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
