the condom got lost in my hair
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
