shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No subtext here. People are naked.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
