Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
