I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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