Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
