Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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