When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
His nipple licking is glorious
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