You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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