That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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