yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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