I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
