Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
