It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
