Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize