I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
