Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
