I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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