so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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