You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
