Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
