I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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