ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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