Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
