She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
