I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
