my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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