I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
