I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
