I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
