we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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