this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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