I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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