Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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