We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
