Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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