is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
